Thus Spake Isiah

"We haven't been patient enough force-feeding the post," former Pistons Bad Boy and current Knick coach Isiah Thomas whined after last night’s road roasting of the Celtics. "Tonight, our post-patience play was very good."

Force-feeding? Post-patience play? Does Isiah have the foggiest clue what he’s doing? Can you imagine any other coach using a phrase like post-patience play?

Doesn’t it feel like the Knicks have traded places with the cast of Saturday Night Live? That they aren’t really a basketball team but just play one in a Christopher Guest movie?

Some of their players don’t even look like athletes. Eddy Curry (pronounced almost like "Calorie"), for one, and Quentin Richardson, for another, look more like guys impersonating athletes. These men remind me of bloated has-beens, still ruling the playground courts with their oversized bodies and monumental sweat. I once saw Curry called for two charges in the same half-court set. I know it sounds like Kersey and Nies blew the call, but once you’ve seen Curry play (I'll take the poetic license), it makes sense.

The irony of the Knicks this season is that they are actually the perfect team for New York. The squad is stuffed with stubborn individuals, too marooned in their own feisty self-reliance to acknowledge they work in the same place. It’s like Isiah fell in love with boy-comes-to-the-big-city stories and tried to replicate the formula on the hardwood. He brought in different versions of the same diva. Steph, Franchise, Jalen (like other New Yorkers, he's wintering in Phoenix), Jamal, Q—they'd all prefer to have next in your local And-One game. Forget about screens, ditch the off-ball motion, and leave the boxing out for your restaurant’s leftovers.

There is no “I” in “team,” but there are far too many in “Isiah’s.”

His best five come off the bench:
PG: Nate Robinson (the only player worth watching on the Knicks)
SG: Jamal Crawford (one of the quickest crossovers in the game)
SF: Renaldo Balkman (who resembles Humpty from Digital Underground a little)
PF: David Lee (game like Cedric Ceballos)
C: Channing Frye (sidelined for 3 to 6 with an ankle roll)

The only thing that might make the Knicks worse is if Clyde Frazier announced their games, and, alas, he already does. The other night against Denver, he referred to Marcus Camby as one of the best “block shotters” in the game. Repeatedly.

Block shotters? Post-patience play?

New Yorkers love a good joke, but this one harldy seems practical!