Kobe Suspended?

Latest news from the Association finds Kobe Bryant suspended for one game, the result of an elbow to Manu Ginobili’s face at the end of Sunday’s contest. You can watch the play here. (Isn’t youtube God’s greatest gift to sports fans with office jobs?) Bryant believes the elbow was unintentional and expressed disbelief about the league’s decision to suspend him. “I'm blown away by it,” rapped number 24, “it makes no sense.”

From my impartial corner of Lakerdom, I’d have to rule in favor of Mr. Bryant. If anything, Kobe barely grazed Ginobili’s face on the play; more than likely, we witnessed yet another instance of the Manu flop, a blatant charade by one of the league’s wimpiest performance artists. As diehard Lakers fan Jack Nicholson told me over cocktails last night, “Somebody needs to teach that rat-face South American how to take a punch. I’d like to rip his balls off and feed them to the poor. I’d say the same thing about Tony Parker and that squirrel he calls his girlfriend too.”

When asked about the suspension, former coach and current announcer Hubie Brown said, “What you have in a Manu Ginobili is an actor best known for his role as Balki Bartokomous on Perfect Strangers. He’s managed to integrate the acting in his role as a Spur, but he struggles to define himself as anything other than a dork. In a word, he sucks.”

Doing my best to bring you the news. More to follow as it comes in—stay tuned.